Standing.
Arms outstretched.
Awaiting Your Presence.
This is my expression of worship.
Head bowed.
Eyes closed.
I’m on my knees.
This is my posture of worship.
You caress all of my senses.
How can I stand?
I dare not move.
Consumed by the flame of Your glory.
Tears streaming.
Heart engaged.
Communion.
This is my offering of worship: all of me.
Below are a collection of thoughts I had while meditating on “the Bride of Christ”. What could be more romantic?! Lover and beloved united. I am His bride and I rejoice as He rejoices over me! No matter the darkness that surrounds me, the Light of His Love is unfailing and always leads me deeper into His arms. There is no other place I long for more. O, how I love Him!
He left His Father’s house in search of me.
In search of me, He came.
He has come. He is coming!
I see Him on the horizon, shining.
Shining for me.
O, how I love Him.
He asks for my hand and offers me His name.
To me! To me, He gives Himself.
I say yes! I say I do!
I am His. His bride.
Together we dance and sing.
O, how I love Him and He me.
I rejoice greatly in My Lord.
My soul exults Him.
He clothes me in garments of His salvation.
He wraps me in His robe of righteousness.
I am clean, pure, dressed in white. I am redeemed.
O, how I love Him!
The perfection of His love casts out all fear.
Building myself on His faith, I remain.
His love sustains me.
And He who is able, keeps me from stumbling.
I stand on His arm with great joy, blameless in His glory.
O, how I love Him and He me!
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In His Strength, I rest.
Eternity’s song on my lips.
Shine in me, O Radiant One!
Send me, O Merciful One!
I will proclaim Your name and unending grace!
I declare to the nations: You are My Father, my Brother.
My Husband, my Lover.
My Protector, my Provider
My Creator, my Healer.
My Savior, my Redeemer.
You are the Lion, the Lamb.
The Sacrifice for all.
Raised from the dead.
You are the Living God.
You are Life Eternal.
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How freely You give Yourself to me!
How freely to all.
I stretch out my arms. Come, O Holy One.
Live in me. Teach me Your Ways.
O, how I love You!
Last week, I had the great honor of reading the below untitled exploration of Love at my brother’s wedding. I’m so proud of the man he is becoming! When my brother first asked me to read something at his wedding, I felt a near panic!! As a single woman who has never been married, I cannot know personally the ins and outs of marriage. What would I read?! After weeks of procrastination, it occurred to me that though I may not have personal experience with marriage and intimate relationship, I have personal experience and intimacy with God, who is my Husband and Lover, as the Scriptures describe. I began to jot down notes based on my knowledge of Him, who is Love. What you read below is the result of those notes. I know God has oceans more of Himself to share with me. May He always find me willing to seek out the depths of His majesty and grace. And may He bless my brother and his new wife through the revelation of Himself in their relationship.
In the beginning, there was Love.
Love transcends time and conquers death. It was the beginning.
Love is more than a moment, a passing feeling of passion. It extends to the depths of our souls; the foundation of our being.
It is life.
It is eternity.
The reason we were made; the reason we live.By design, we long for the intimacy of another. After all, “It is not good for humankind to be alone.” We were created for partnership. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one. . .Naked and unashamed.” Two, intertwined. Inseparable. No longer “I” or “You”. Only “We” and “Our”.
Love is relationship.
Love is together.
Love is unity.Love is purposed for expression. Not restraint or confinement. Love soars on the wings of freedom. It is to be given and received simultaneously. Not earned or bought or paid back, but lived.
A choice.
A commitment.
A promise.Love raises a white flag to let go of pride.
It stands at the door and asks you to stay.
It surrenders,
Yet fights for the other.
Love gives itself away.Love is arms wide open, never closing. Never turning away. Love whispers in your ear, “You are mine. I am yours. I am here. I will be your shield in time of need. I will be your armor-bearer. I will lift you above the crowd so you can see. I will support your arms when they become heavy. I will carry your burdens. I will be your companion. I will protect you from the storms. I will walk with you through the fires. I will catch your tears and lead you to safety. I will live so you can shine.”
When all else fails, when all others disappoint, when the grave beckons, Love will remain.
In the end, there is only Love.
What a clear, crisp, and beautiful morning! I listen as the birds sing. I listen intently for the Living God. I look around and cannot escape His presence or His provision. Almighty God, how I hunger for more of You and yet You are everywhere. As David says, “You have enclosed me behind and before and laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me. It is too high. I cannot attain to it” (Psalm 139:5-6, NASB).
My Lord, who knows all things about me and loves me all the more, visits my morning dreams so that He is first in my thoughts when I wake. What love is this! What desire! How unworthy I am. His pursuit of me is incomprehensible. How can I run? How can I hide from this great love? I turn with arms wide open and whisper—for He is so close—“here I am. Have Your way.”
In my morning dream, I dove into the warmth of a salty sea. God was the sea. How vast, how deep and wide! I felt safe (I know this was God because water is not my friend!!). I was held in His strength; His intimate embrace. Carried. Tickled by the playful waves and bubbles around me. Consumed by His touch. Every part of me known, nothing hidden. Washed. Purified. Behold, the depths were unending. Deep called and beckoned me deeper. Oxygen was never a thought or an issue as my focus was on Him. I went farther and farther still never losing sight of Who was before me. The deeper I went, that is the deeper He carried me, the more like Him I became. The water and I were merging; we were becoming one. I, in Him and He, in me. Carried to the depths of His great love.
I am now convinced that Your nearness, O God, is the reason You whisper. What need have You to speak above the gentleness of Your breath when You are so close? In the silence, Your voice is comforting company. In the busyness, it is peace and calm. Truly, where can I go from Your Presence? You triumphantly reveal that as I call upon You and pray, You listen. Thank you! I seek You and I find You when I search from the depths of my heart (Jeremiah 29:12-13). Behold, there You are waiting for me to look up. I am looking up.
In this season of loneliness, I rejoice to discover just how near and present You are, O God of my redemption. How wonderful is the One who takes me in! Who does not abandon nor forsake me. Who is “a shield about me. My glory and the One who lifts my head” (Psalm 3:3). You continuously remind me who I am: a daughter of the Living God.
Though I feel the great pain of loss and sometimes struggle to breathe in the loneliness, my love and hope in You is unwavering. Your Word has never been more comforting and reliable. I am growing in greater knowledge of the mysteries of God, namely the beauty of grace. As I walk through this valley of deep darkness and death, I am amazed by the life that is sprouting within me. How can there be life in death? But this is the Gospel of Jesus who conquered death! As the man after God’s heart declares, “darkness is not dark to You, and the night is as bright as the day” (Psalm 139:12). Therefore, I must declare with great praise that my darkness is Light and Jesus is the source of my life.
For these weeks that I have been studying the letters of Bro. Lawrence and the writings of other early Christian writers, I have pondered in awe over their experiences that led to such devotion for the One, True God. (Spending much time in Asia among polytheism and animism the reference to God as the “One, True God” holds special significance to me. It is one of the truest Truths I know.) Devotion. This word possesses a power capable of penetrating the soul. The very image and nature of devotion has alighted my spirit this morning as I sit in meditation on the God of Love, the God who creates the stars in the heavens, the mountains of the earth, and the depths of the oceans. Of all His wonders, it is hard to fathom that I, so unworthy and ungrateful, draw His attention. Not only does He answer when I call, but He draws heartily near. What a gift is His sweet Presence!
Perhaps over these past weeks of study I have been too focused on the mere (I daresay worthless) act of devotion and have given far too little attention to the object of devotion. I confess a bit of shame here. Odd that one seeking a greater level of intimacy with Divine Majesty would focus more on the path than the prize! Alas, this is human nature – a nature of works and human effort. Grace. Today, however, I taste a new freedom in devotion: God, Himself.
It is liberating! I am removed and only He exists. The troubles and cares of this world fade away and my inner soul is filled and consumed by Love. As Bro. Lawrence might say, I am practicing the presence of God. It is a practice, a discipline, a developing habit. By no means is the study I endeavor a waste, though for many days at a time, weeks even, I feel I have made little progress. I will press on. . .”so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:12 – the namesake of my blog). I am in pursuit.
And I make it my business only to persevere in His holy presence, wherein I keep myself by a simple attention, and a general fond regard to GOD, which I may call an actual presence of GOD; or, to speak better, an habitual, silent and secret conversation of the soul with GOD. . .Bro. Lawrence
Brother Lawrence, whose life of devotion continues to amaze me, writes a letter describing ever so briefly “the method by which [he] arrived at that habitual sense of GOD’S Presence.” I pause here. I have been elevating Bro. Lawrence’s life of devotion and wondering if I will ever be able to match it. I’ve even commented, “if I could be half the man that Bro. Lawrence was. . .(except that I’m a woman, of course!).” An all too familiar phrase that elevates one by de-elevating ourselves. Trap! Wrong perspective. . .especially considering the title of this blog series: “Perspectives from Brother Lawrence.”
On the 6th blog of this series, I pause to meditate on the title of this collection of writings regarding Bro. Lawrence. Practice of the Presence of God. The key word, of course, is “practice.” I desperately seek what Bro. Lawrence references as the “habitual sense of God’s Presence.” With great joy, I am discovering that this is not a supernatural gift or an experience for the few. On the contrary, it is a discipline that requires practice. And, if I may add, patience! With practice, the Presence of God becomes a Divine Habit, if you will.
Bro. Lawrence shares from his own experiences in developing such a Divine Habit,
I worshipped Him the oftenest that I could, keeping my mind in His holy Presence, and recalling it as often as I found it wandered from Him. I found no small pain in this exercise, and yet I continued it, notwithstanding all the difficulties that occurred, without troubling or disquieting myself when my mind had wandered involuntarily.
What I appreciate most in this confession is his humanity. My mind wanders from the Presence of God all the time!! Sadly, I have a tendency to beat myself up when it happens. Not Bro. Lawrence. He simply recalled his mind to focus upward and continued in his practice.
Prayer:
Father, I seek you most earnestly. Teach me to practice the Presence of God by Your grace. Be ever before me in all that I do. May my mind linger on you giving praise, glory, and adoration for all things come what may.
As I continue in this journey toward greater intimacy with the Divine Presence, the Spirit of God reveals a transforming fire for which I am both hopeful and fearful. I tremble. My spirit longs to love God with more than this finite flesh is capable; a love, a union that transcends the natural world and embraces the supernatural. How I thirst!
O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water. (Psalm 63: 1)
Though I seek His Presence all the day long, there are times, some great, some small, when I cease to look up. I take my gaze away from the only One that matters. I take His Presence for granted. You see, I know that when I look back, He will still be there. Grace. Jesus walked in daily communion with His Father. He knew God as we can never know Him (and how I desperately long to know Him). How precious must His Presence have been to the Son! How great the sacrifice when Jesus took on the sins of humanity, became an object of abhorrence to His Father, and found He was no longer in communion with God. “My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?” The utter cry of His soul must have been devastating to the Father. It is devastating to me now. I can neither imagine such loss, nor even consider bearing it. Yet in this triumphant moment of the Son, the veil was torn and all who desired could enter the Presence of God. Jesus experienced the absence of God so that I might never experience such grave loss.
Bernard of Clarivaux writes:
To shame our sins He blushed in blood;
He closed eyes to show us God;
Let all the world fall down and know
That none but God such love can show.
I greatly desire to grow in the knowledge and love of God. To continually be in His Presence and rely on Him for all things. Brother Lawrence says the “greater perfection a soul aspires after, the more dependent it is upon Divine grace.” As my soul professes love for the Living God, I profess also my dependence.
Prayer:
Thank You for Your Presence that I strive always to practice. I seek You each day anew. Forgive me for taking Your Precious Presence for granted, for turning away to things that matter so little. May the work of the Cross be ever before me. Remind me, O Spirit that lives within, of the gift of Your Sacrifice. Be my Divine habit! Let all my thoughts begin and end with You. Teach me how to love You in the Kingdom Among Us so that I might love you all the more in the Kingdom that is coming.
I truly hope to encourage you with the encouragement I received this morning in my devotional readings with Bro. Lawrence. How can one small chapter seem to contain a lifetime of wisdom? How does one take it all in?! I wish I could breathe it in in one large breath, but I cannot; my lungs are far too small. Even if I spend the next week or more in the “Fourth Conversation” with Bro. Lawrence, it will not be enough to grasp in its entirety. Truly devotion is a lifetime study!
My spirit is in pursuit of the Divine Love. From the early days of my journey, Psalm 27:4 captured my heart’s endeavor:
One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD
And to meditate/inquire in His temple.
I pray to never lose sight of this great endeavor, that is simply to be in continuous communion with God, a magnificent obsession. Yet, how often during the day do I forget and find myself bogged down by things of the world! This morning I read of Bro. Lawrence’s great endeavor:
“his prayer was nothing else but a sense of the presence of GOD, his soul being at that time insensible to everything but Divine love: and that when the appointed times of prayer were past, he found no difference, because he still continued with GOD. . .”
Prayer and devotion are a lifestyle. I know this in my head, but to exercise it in my heart and life is another matter altogether. But, that is the goal—to never leave the presence of God. He is not some far off reward that we receive in the afterlife. Quite the contrary! Jesus preached the Kingdom of God Among Us. He taught the availability and the accessibility of God now. I say let every breath exhale praise and inhale His presence. Let everything we do, no matter how small, be done in worship. “[T]he end we ought to propose to ourselves is to become, in this life, the most perfect worshippers of GOD we can possibly be, as we hope to be through all eternity.”
Prayer:
Consume my heart, soul, and mind. Fill every part of me today and teach me to look ever upward. I want to know Your Presence more than ever before. You are my greatest desire.
There is a great cost to discipleship but in the end, when all things are measured, the cost of nondiscipleship is far greater. How costly to live a life enslaved to the world, enslaved to the flesh, enslaved to corruption! This is death. In this light, I would pay any cost for a life filled with love, true love, the love that penetrates all darkness and fear, the love that brings safety, the love that lifts to the highest heights, the love that causes our hearts to beat and sing praise. The love of God, the reason we were created. His love is life.
Why, then, is the battle so arduous between flesh and spirit? Ah! That is the crux of life, is it not? Jesus says to find life, you must lose it (Matthew 16:24-25). Plain and simple. Yet once is never enough. No, the battle between flesh and spirit is never ending as long as flesh lives. Therefore, the rise of each sun requires a death in exchange for life. We must crucify our flesh along side Jesus knowing that what we experience He also experienced 100-fold and more.
I am struck by the immeasurable love of God and the measurable love I have for Him. I seek so much more. In fact, I insist there be more! There must be. There is a promise from God that says if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us. If I may imitate Brother Lawrence in any area of his life, let it be his love for God. Like him, I am determined to apply myself (my heart, my inner self) to nothing but Him and to love Him only.
In Pursuit 