Tag Archives: spirituality

In Pursuit: Journey to Abandon

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Note to Readers: As someone recently pointed out, it’s been several months since my last blog. Why, you ask? I’ve been writing my first book entitled, In Pursuit: Journey to Abandon. Look for it to hit the market in last spring/early summer 2014!! Now that my first draft of the manuscript is finished, I hope to share some “teasers” with you in the near future. Get ready!

As I am writing this book, I have been struck by the interest and reaction from those with whom I have shared the endeavor. They predictably pose two questions: 1. What is it about? 2. What is it called? Both are easy questions to answer as I have been meditating on this book and its contents for nearly 7 years. A better question might be, what took you so long?! In truth, though the story has been in development over these many years, the circumstances of my time, spiritual maturation, and conviction to write it have only just aligned.

Due to the consistency of these two questions and the subsequent reaction to my answers, I thought it prudent to offer explanation to my readers. To the first question of content, I generally reply, “it’s my story with Christ.” I confess I enjoy the humorous facial expressions that follow. They seem to imply, “what’s so special about you?” I often wonder if there is a further, unspoken question of my arrogance. After all, why write a book about yourself unless you want people to notice you. In truth, there is nothing special or remarkable about me. The story I tell is less about me and more about God. This is God’s story; His activity in and through me.

I grew up in Christ with the lovely description of God as the Author of our lives. He holds the pen and beautifully writes each page. These stories of God working in and through us are proof of hope, peace and life everlasting. According to the book of Revelation, they are also a great weapon against our spiritual enemy (reference Revelation 11-12). Lastly, I suggest that our stories with God are evidence of His existence and His love for every human being. Don’t believe me? I invite you to join me through the pages of this upcoming book to see His beauty and majesty alive and active in one woman’s life. My life.

To the second question, I chose the current title long before I started writing. However, noting the confusion regarding its meaning from those who inquired after it, I spent many hours in meditation determining whether or not it should change or remain. Ultimately, I chose to keep the original title for its depth and richness. I offer a detailed explanation of its meaning here.

Journey to AbandonIn Pursuit is a reference to my soul-ministry, the ministry of my heart and soul. The development of this personal and vocational ministry is explained in the last part of my book. In short, it is a lifestyle of living in pursuit of and for Christ while embracing His unending pursuit of us. Imagine Michelangelo’s detail of “God Touching Man” in the Sistine Chapel (a remarkable and profound work to see firsthand!!). I draw the image of this pursuit from Philippians 3:12 where the Apostle Paul declares that since he has not yet achieved the end, he “press[es] on so that [he] may lay hold of that for which also [he] was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.” What is the end or the proverbial it that is so desired by Paul? What is the “that” he desires to lay hold of? Simply, life with God, both in the now and the hereafter. Paul pursues the Presence of God as Christ Jesus first pursued him with the offer of access to the Living God.

The tagline of the book title, Journey to Abandon, evokes within me the depth of my pursuit as well as the means. Journey, of course, references the spiritual journey. It holds additional personal significance as I have traveled and trekked/backpacked all over the world. Many of you are no doubt familiar with the phrase, “it’s not about the destination; it’s about the journey.” There is more truth to this statement than I can adequately relay here!

My inquirers seem to understand the title with little explanation until we reach the word “abandon.” Here lies the point of greatest explanation as we are most accustom to using abandon as a verb that engenders a negative connotation. In this case, however, I use the word as a noun that beautifully describes both the purpose and delight of the creature (humankind) as well as the heart of the Creator.

According to my beloved MacBook Pro’s dictionary:

Noun

  1. give up completely (a course of action, a practice, or a way of thinking)
  2. cease to support or look after (someone); desert. . .leave (a place or vehicle) empty or uninhabited, without intending to return
  3. complete lack of inhibition or restraint

ORIGIN late Middle English: from Old French abandoner, from a-(from Latin ad ‘to, at’) + bandon ‘control,’ based on late Latin bannus, bannum (see ban1). The original sense was ‘bring under control,’ later ‘given to the control of, surrender to’. . . 

The second of these three definitions is perhaps the most common use of the word. Let’s consider definitions one and three and how they apply to us spiritually.

Living in abandon for God means giving up human perspective and drive (e.g. will, desires, hurts, offenses, pain, etc) and exchanging them for His. It is living without inhibition, living in freedom without restraint or obstacles that might keep us from pursuing God. Even better are the references to the origin of the word. Abandon for God is giving Him control, surrendering to Him, allowing Him to fulfill His plan of glory and greatness through our lives. It’s giving Him the pen along with the invitation to write. Another application worthy of consideration is God’s abandon for each of us. He comes after us without inhibition or restraint freely lavishing us with love and blessing, if we would but receive. The Scriptures are filled with stories of His love for us and His desire to fill us with abundant life. Truly, we were made for abandonment in the most positive sense of the word. Abandonment of our ourselves for God as well as His abandon for us.

There is hidden meaning in this title with significance only to me. Along my journey, my pursuit of Christ and His pursuit of me, I endured a season of abandonment, isolation, and loneliness. I was abandoned in the sense of the second definition above. It was through the seeming desertion of people I dearly loved, admired, and respected that I entered the city of Abandon, a new place, built and inhabited by the Presence of God. In this city, I reached new heights and depths of intimacy in Him. I let go of a false sense of identity to embrace a new, chosen identity in Christ. In the city of God, I thrive. I live a renewed, redeemed life rich in the grace of God. Here I am known and accepted as daughter. Abandon is my home. From here, I travel the world with a story to tell; a story of love and mercy; a story of God and my journey to abandon.

Though this book describes my journey to date, it is not my end. However, if it were to end today, I rest in the peaceful acknowledgment of a life well-lived and pleasing to God. His pleasure is not in what I have done or haven’t, in what I have accomplished or haven’t, but in His work and His accomplishment through the Cross. It is my honor to write of the love of God in my life. It is my hope and prayer that readers of this exciting journey will be inflamed with their own stories of God.

Write them down. Share them. Let your story be a mirror of God and an exclamation of His glory. Amen.

Thoughts on the Trail

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There is a journey before us. A journey to Christ. A journey in Christ. Over the last few years, I’ve come to realize that life is more than the journey. Life and faith are about who accompanies us on the journey. Jesus. Even more, the knowledge that the path we follow is not futile engenders a new drive and motivation to persevere and pursue Life all the more. For where is life except in the presence of God? He is Life. Source and Sustainer. He is the journey.

A ministry, a lifestyle is birthing within me. Get ready! As Paul encourages the Philippians,

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:12-4).

I want my life to echo Paul: I live in pursuit of the One who pursues me. I press on no matter the trial or tribulation for there is a greater hope and a greater blessing.

I encourage all to join me. Let’s not focus on the trial, but focus on the trail God has set for us to walk upon. He has promised to plant our feet. We will not slip. We will not be swept away in the storm or burned in the fire. He will make the way level for us. Along the way, let’s stop to rest and admire the beauty of God’s Creation from mountain to mountain beholding the lushness of the valleys.

Live with me in pursuit of the One who pursues us!

Foundation

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Someone once told me that a father’s role is to affirm and a husband’s is to confirm. There is “nugget of truth” in this statement that resonates deep within my spirit. What is the difference between affirming and confirming?

affirm – state as a fact; assert strongly and publicly

confirm – establish the truth or correctness of (something previously believed, suspected, or feared to be the case); reinforce someone in (an opinion, belief, or feeling)

They are similar in definition, but closer inspection and meditation yields how vastly different they are. One is the foundation (affirmation); one is reinforcement of that foundation (confirmation). As we all know, without a solid foundation, nothing built upon it will stand. I daresay we have all had this experience, either personally or with someone else. No matter how much we try to encourage or support, it cannot be received. Why? Because there is no foundation.

Another “nugget” I fondly adhere to is belief precedes behavior. Similarly, our beliefs are the foundation of our behavior. Before behavior will change, belief must change. We often address poor behavior backward. We address, punish, or react to the behavior (AKA the symptom) and rarely dive deep enough to discover the why or the belief behind the behavior (AKA the root of the issue).

From our earliest moments of cognition, we are influenced by all that is around us. Unfortunately, many of us grow up with a misunderstanding of who we are; an unawareness of who created us and for what purpose we were created. Our foundation is laid upon this misunderstanding and we are, subsequently, unable to establish healthy beliefs about ourselves and/or the world.

Women, more than men, seem to have the greater battle with identity. Perhaps this is a gross generalization, but it has been my experience nonetheless. We battle a barrage of lies thrown at us daily.

I am just a woman.
I have nothing to offer.
I cannot support myself.
I need a husband.
I need a man or someone else to feel good about myself.
I am no good. I am impure.
I am all alone.
I must surrender my purity to be accepted. To be loved.
I need to be skinnier. My hair needs to be a different color.
Only pretty women are successful. I’m not pretty enough.
I have to give up my dreams. My dreams aren’t as important.

These are just a few of the lies. Most of them tick me off! Not a healthy foundation. Sadly, there is plenty of confirmation to reinforce this negativity. We see it on the streets, in the movies, on television, in magazines, from our friends, and sometimes from our family.

Thankfully, there is a greater foundation and One who is willing and waiting to lay it. One who has already laid it. Jesus, our Cornerstone. When we look to God for our foundation, we discover our true identity. We discover Truth.

I am created in the image of God and created with purpose (Genesis 1:26).
I am the apple of His eye (Zechariah 2:8).
The King desires my beauty (Psalm 45:11).
I am wonderfully made and I am always on His mind (Psalm 139).
There is a plan and purpose for my life. I have God-given dreams (Jeremiah 29:11).
I am never alone (John 14:18, Hebrews 13:5-6; Jeremiah 29:13).
He can use me. He wants to use me (1 Corinthians 1:26-30).
I am washed, cleansed, purified (John 15:3).
I am free (Isaiah 61:1-3; Luke 4:18).
I am righteousness. I am holy (2 Corinthians 5:21; 1 Peter 1:15-16).
I am blessed, chosen, adopted, accepted, redeemed, and forgiven (Ephesians 1:3-7).

These are just a few Truths! With considerable rejoicing, I declare that our affirmation lies in the Living God. No one can take that away. These are words straight from the mouth of God. Whether the world or men confirm these or not, the Word of God remains forever (Isaiah 40:8, 1 Peter 1:23). It is fact and God asserts our identity “strongly and publicly” as we live our lives in pursuit of Him. The beauty and true “nugget of truth” is this: The Father affirms our identity in Him and the Husband, who is Jesus, devotes His life to confirm it.

Oh that we would stop and listen and let the Truth of God pour into us and take root!

As He Receives

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We are accustom to associating “Christ-likeness” with sacrifice. Christ is the Great Giver. The One who put the needs of many above His own. The One who laid down His life, so that we all might live.

We have a tendency to elevate people who demonstrate such sacrificial lives and so we bestow upon them the title “Christ-like”. I wonder, are we so generous in our elevation of  the self-sacrificing because we regard asking for a service as a lack of humility? Or receiving a gift as selfish? I confess, I find it quite difficult to relate to or even maintain authentic relationship with one who gives and refuses to receive.

As we strive to follow Christ, we must look at all of Christ. Consider this: God asks. God receives.

God, who offered the greatest sacrifice, or Jesus, who was the greatest sacrifice — however you want to look at it — does more than give and bless. He also asks. He asks for and wonderfully receives our love, our gifts, and our service. Our gifts are not a means of earning, but being. Love, gifts, and service are the sweet fruit generated from being in His presence. It is relationship! He desires for us to engage in a beautiful relationship of giving and receiving. This is relationship’s heart, after all. It is reciprocity; albeit, not equality. Our love, gifts, and service will never match that which God so generously pours upon us. However, He still requires the gift of our hearts. Christ-likeness is giving and receiving.

Christ surely welcomes our meager sacrifices/gifts as if they were great works of art. He does not turn them away. He received from humanity when He walked the earth (money, food, service, assistance to carry the cross, etc) and He receives from us in heaven. In fact, I would suggest that He is eager to receive from us! I’m hesitant to say that God demands our love as that sounds too autocratic. Yet, we were made to love Him. Perhaps it is better to say that He patiently waits for us to love Him/serve Him as freely as He loves us. Can you imagine how He must rejoice when we give to Him from a heart of love?? How He must look upon us and say, “My child, thank you.”

Embrace this perspective! When you worship, whether it be through the Word or in music or in any other discipline, God looks upon you and says, “Thank you for loving me. It is your greatest gift to Me. I receive it – no strings attached.” Sometimes, He may even ask, “will you receive My Love for you?”

As we strive to emulate Christ, let us not deny others from loving us, especially the Living God. Let us, instead, follow in His example of giving and receiving. Your greatest gift to someone may not be what you do, but what you receive. When you look upon those gifts from the heart, rather than turn them away at pride’s request, simply say, “thank you. I receive it.” Give as He gives; receive as He receives.

Experiment in Meditation

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A few years ago, while serving with a missionary family in a Buddhist community, I received an in depth, crash course in the local Buddhist traditions and customs at a well-regarded monastery. It was there that I first encountered the discipline of meditation. Prior to this, I was loosely aware of meditation as a Christ-centered, spiritual discipline, but hadn’t yet fully embraced the depths of stillness. Though I learned to meditate from Buddhists, I assure you my heart and focus is fully committed to Christ. I can’t help but laugh! What lengths and distances God takes us to reveal Himself! Some of my greatest encounters with the Living God, indeed my first, were on the other side of the world, far from home and what is familiar.

In fact, from my first experience with Christ (a story for another day) I learned that God was in pursuit of me long before I began my journey in pursuit of Him. Over the years this truth has solidified within me and Philippians 3:12 has become my close friend.

Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:12 NASB)

I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back. (Philippians 3:12-14 MSG)

What does this verse have to do with meditation? Mediation is a form of pursuit. I have recently re-engaged in an exhilarating experiment in meditation that I began several months ago. Exhilarating because any endeavor to pursue greater intimacy with God is exciting!!! Can meditation, quiet, and stillness be exciting? Isn’t meditation the antithesis of such energetic emotion? Perhaps I am abnormal. I hold such anticipation when I prepare to enter meditation, which is simply an exercise of stillness with God-ward focus, because I expect the Presence of God. It is a holy exercise whereby I not only set aside time and space for God’s majesty, but I set aside myself. I quiet the world so that I can hear the voice of God. This is my purpose. This is my pursuit. It is a sacrifice that I believe is well honored and my experience confirms it. After all, what is meditation except entrance into what Jesus calls the inner room?

But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. (Matthew 6:6 NASB)

Call it whatever you like, but give it a shot. Find a place of stillness both physically and mentally. I sit in the 7-point meditation posture that I learned from the Buddhists. It keeps me alert and allows me to focus my breath. Start with a 5-minute exercise where you quiet your mind and body and focus all of your being on God. When I first started, I would recite scripture to help me focus upward. Don’t be dismayed if you find it difficult to focus on God the entire 5 minutes. It takes practice! Our minds are excellent wanderers! Do what you can and wait for God’s response!

Lady Grace

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Behold, who is that fair lady across the way?

What perfection have my eyes set upon!

Her form, the essence of elegance; her face, more beautiful than the brightest star.

So white. So pure. So lovely.

If only she would glance in my direction.

 

I wonder how she smells; how she might feel.

What I would give to be near her!

To taste the peace of her presence.

To know the safety and warmth of her bosom.

Oh, that she would bless me with her smile.

 

Like a swan she glides amidst the crowds.

See how she captures their attention; her very being scintillating.

How high this magnificent woman! From heaven she has surely fallen!

Here she does not belong. Sadness seeps into my spirit.

How dare I hope for her.

 

What could bring Exquisiteness to this vile place?

Surrounded by muck and grime, hawkers and the impoverished.

Yet, how white her dress remains as the dust swirls about.

What must she think as she beholds the unlovely around her?

May she never look upon me.

 

Yet, what do I observe! This cannot be!

She stoops to embrace those reaching for her.

Into their eyes she looks. No filth does she see.

With tender purpose, she offers herself to each one.

Her soft lips caress their bowed heads.

 

What is this?

What transformation is taking place before my eyes?

What power has this gentle woman?

How can she change what is unclean to clean?

Can this be? Is she looking at me?

 

She glides straight toward me.

I look around. Where can I go? Where can I hide?

Shame overtakes me and I kneel to hide my face.

Fear and trembling as she approaches.

“Forgive me, for I am unpresentable before you.”

 

Her fine fingers lift my chin and I see her face-to-face.

Those penetrating and beautiful eyes dissolve all fear and insecurity.

“I see you.”

What music her words! The song of freedom.

Comfort and hope envelop my fragile form.

 

She draws me to my feet and intimately close.

I feel the warmth of her breath; her lips upon my face.

All weight dispelled, I collapse into her embrace.

Rest.

I am washed.

 

“Fair Lady, Fair Lady, do not leave me,” I cry.

She softly whispers, “I am always available. Call upon me as you need.”

As she begins to move, I cry out again. “Fair Lady, Fair Lady, what be your name?”

She turns to me with a generous smile and mellifluously replies, “Grace.”

I fall to my knees in reverent joy for I have seen and now know the beauty of Lady Grace.